Actually, the first part of this "being-over" with Ashley was the STAGE OF PRETENTIONS! When I kept on pretending that I'm fine, that everything's all right... that I can, and that I don't love him anymore! I told myself I'm okay, and tried to make everybody believe that I am! Pretending that I don't love him anymore and that I can easily forget him! But I think, when you really know yourself that well, you can't just pretend forever. You can't always make yourself believe! After one a half months, I can't pretend anymore! I felt I have to face the truth... When we talked, I started to break out!
And there comes the STAGE OF DENIAL! It's the time when I kept on telling myself: "this could never be, this is not happening, this could never happen!" Because during that moment, I realized, it's been a long time since we broke-up! And that he will never come back again. Unlike before, no matter what I do, I knew he's just a step behind. My life started to become dry and full of hassles. Nothing good is happening... All my decisions were wrong! I had sleepless nights and restless days! I can't concentrate... I just can't focus with my studies... I LOST MYSELF! But just like before, I tried to put everything on its proper place. I had to admit that I already lost him! Coz I know he can never be mine again! Until I was given strength to talk to him and tried to let him feel how I feel about the situation! Only to discover that it was too late, coz he had another girlfriend... I was totally BROKEN! But I have no choice... but to accept that this is reality.
And the STAGE OF ACCEPTANCE follows right away. The day after I discovered he was already over me and has found another girl to replace me, I attended the mass at St. Vincent de Paul Parish Church. I cried a lot and released all the pain I hide inside. And you know what makes me cry even more? When I saw Lloyd, a very special friend of mine, sitting just beside me to let me feel that I am never alone. That moment, I know will lose Ashley! That was the last time I remembered I cried because of him! Now I know I've made my decisions right.
I am now on a STAGE OF FIXING AND MENDING THE BROKEN PIECES OF MY HEART! I can't say that I'm really over him. But I have learned to let my feelings go. There may be times that I felt so bitter about what happened to our relationship! But as long as I have my sister, my friends... I know I'll never be alone again, I know they'll never leave me, and that I can do everything coz I have them to help me no matter what happens! It's when I realized the real essence of having your friends. Thousands may betray you, but a true friend never will!
