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smile often deceives..

i made this so that i can be able 2 share with you guys all d poems, essays and articles dat i wrote during those tyms dat i felt so alone and broken. u myt have felt d same way and i hope dis can be an inspiration..

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I'm just a simple girl with simple dreams.. i wanna finish my studies maintaining both scholarships, so that someday I can be able to get the best possible job and give my parents a life better dan d one they have now..

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this is my story about the man i loved that i already lost....

I was used to bearing the pain brought to me by broken relationships and broken promises as well. Since I started my search for a certain man whom they called "Mr. Right" when I was still thirteen years old. These almost five years of getting in and out into different relationships has taught me enough of things that helps me learn how to gather strengths from my own weaknesses, smile though it's hurting, and continue to love though my heart is too much aching... I had made a lot of stupid decisions in the past, in which I'm proud of, had made me stronger and better woman. There were times when I even told myself: "I've been to the lowest point of my life, and I'm not afraid of facing another problem, 'coz I know I can do everything!"

But that was before... only before I met Ashley. December 1, the day that changes who I am, the moment that changes my perceptions in life. The first few weeks have become the most beautiful moment that happened to me! I never thought I would be smiling that way... And never even thought I would love that much! But just like a burning candle, those smile soon turned into tears... And the love that we both started to build has become weaker! Until such time that we had no choice but to give up... and let each other go!


The colors of my life started to become dull. My world begins to stop. It really hurts! I never expected it would hurt this much! Though it's hard, I tried to let him go and set him free. He becomes so unfair. The rumors that destroyed our relationship are exactly the same reason why I had to stand again and move on! It hurts to know that in the eyes of the people around us, the person whom I have given my best doesn't deserve me. Because for them, Ashley deserves even more!


I came to silence and reflect. There must be something wrong in me. I know I may not be that pretty, nor be that rich. But there's one thing that I am very proud of, I knew from the start that I loved him truly... And for me, that's the most important thing. But now, I am very tired, and I know I have to say goodbye! He left me all alone in blue, struggling for the fight that we are supposed to be fighting together. I WILL FORGET HIM. And even though I will be waiting for so long, I will surely be over him!


In time, he may realize what he has done to me... how much of me had been lost because of him! I'm finally convinced I have to let him go. Those memories will be kept in a portion of me, and will never be opened again. I don't want to remember the times we've been together, coz I know it would just hurt me even more! I'll be standing on my feet, picking up the broken pieces of my heart, fixing and mending it so that I can be whole again. I'm strong and I know I can. Time will heal the wound, and it would make my heart a little bit numb so that I can't feel the pain anymore! HE DIDN'T FIGHT FOR ME, NOR EVEN FOUGHT FOR OUR LOVE! Now I don't know how to start my life all over again... because I used to live my life beside him! It may not be that easy... But if I'll not do it now, I can't do this tomorrow!

Friday, June 06, 2003
7:30 PM


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