how long hav i bin waiting 4 dis moment?
4 u 2 cum bak & mke r luv happen
it's bin quite some tym, wen ur love is gone
u sudenly broke ur promise, & away frm me u hav run!
durng those days, ive learnd 2 set free..
& admit 2 myself dat we cud nver b!
i livd my lyf alone, & let dis filings go..
coz it hurts me mch mor 2know, r luv isnt meant 2 grow!
a yir has pasd & thngs r expected 2 change
i hav mend my broken HEART & 4goten ol d pain
now ur bak, but it is nver d same again..
ive lost my trust but cnt find myslf 2 blame!
b4 i thot, its only u hu can fill d emptiness
but y am i lyk dis, bsyd u der's no hapines?
2gether w/ d blowing wind, my love is carried away
u hurt me b4, so dis myt juz b one of ur play..
thou i hav promisd dat i wil luv u 4ever
dis moment, d pain uve gven me is ol dat i can rmember!
mayb d tym has heald d wound, but it nver erased d sad mem'ries..
i cnt 4get d biternes wen i shed gallons of tears!
im sorry, thou my luv 4 u is great
i can no longer hold on, im tired coz u'r too late!
i dnt hav enaf strength 2 fyt dis feelings anymor
coz im fin'ly convinced, ITS TYM 2 CLOSE MY DOOR!
Actually, the first part of this "being-over" with Ashley was the STAGE OF PRETENTIONS! When I kept on pretending that I'm fine, that everything's all right... that I can, and that I don't love him anymore! I told myself I'm okay, and tried to make everybody believe that I am! Pretending that I don't love him anymore and that I can easily forget him! But I think, when you really know yourself that well, you can't just pretend forever. You can't always make yourself believe! After one a half months, I can't pretend anymore! I felt I have to face the truth... When we talked, I started to break out!
And there comes the STAGE OF DENIAL! It's the time when I kept on telling myself: "this could never be, this is not happening, this could never happen!" Because during that moment, I realized, it's been a long time since we broke-up! And that he will never come back again. Unlike before, no matter what I do, I knew he's just a step behind. My life started to become dry and full of hassles. Nothing good is happening... All my decisions were wrong! I had sleepless nights and restless days! I can't concentrate... I just can't focus with my studies... I LOST MYSELF! But just like before, I tried to put everything on its proper place. I had to admit that I already lost him! Coz I know he can never be mine again! Until I was given strength to talk to him and tried to let him feel how I feel about the situation! Only to discover that it was too late, coz he had another girlfriend... I was totally BROKEN! But I have no choice... but to accept that this is reality.
And the STAGE OF ACCEPTANCE follows right away. The day after I discovered he was already over me and has found another girl to replace me, I attended the mass at St. Vincent de Paul Parish Church. I cried a lot and released all the pain I hide inside. And you know what makes me cry even more? When I saw Lloyd, a very special friend of mine, sitting just beside me to let me feel that I am never alone. That moment, I know will lose Ashley! That was the last time I remembered I cried because of him! Now I know I've made my decisions right.
I am now on a STAGE OF FIXING AND MENDING THE BROKEN PIECES OF MY HEART! I can't say that I'm really over him. But I have learned to let my feelings go. There may be times that I felt so bitter about what happened to our relationship! But as long as I have my sister, my friends... I know I'll never be alone again, I know they'll never leave me, and that I can do everything coz I have them to help me no matter what happens! It's when I realized the real essence of having your friends. Thousands may betray you, but a true friend never will!
All my life I never thought that TRUE LOVE really exists! It was not until I came to love Ashley. He was the only son of probably one of the richest family on our place. At first, everything was just for fun. Our relationship was legal for it has not become that difficult for me to tell my parents about it because I know they would think it's not a bad idea to be his girlfriend.
But I really guess it's true! Nothing is forever... And we can't always have each other! We broke up for the reason of lack of communication for his father decided to bring him to Makati, a not so distant place from my boarding house in Manila. Maybe, just maybe, we aren't really meant for each other. But of course, if you feel that the love was true, you'll find a way to make it happen! Though it's almost half a year when we broke-up, I'm still hanging on a hope that someday he'll come back and be my lover again...
But the time itself has become so unfair for the both of us! I knew he still loves me, because I also still do. Just days ago, he sent me some messages telling how sorry he is for what happened to us! By then I felt his sincerity and decided that no matter what happens, I'll keep on fighting for my love for him...
Now, I don't know how long I could keep my promise. I just discovered that his father is totally against me. Maybe because he want his son to look for someone better than me! Somebody of his level, coz for him I'm not worthy to be his son's girlfriend! His father wants to send him to the States. Maybe, again, just maybe, to speed up Ashley's recovery and search for this "girl" that his father thought would deserve his favorite and only son!
I don't know what to do... I don't know if I have to keep on loving him. Or should I just give it up... If you would be asking me, I really want to fight for my love for him! Because I know I'd never love this way again. But how? I don't know what lies ahead... I'm scared that his father might send him away from me... I'm afraid I'd lose him forever!
I just hope someday he'll know how I feel and how much of me had been lost without him. I'll wait for him... Until we are ready to fix our broken hearts and fight against the world to make our love happen. I love him too much to let him go!
I was used to bearing the pain brought to me by broken relationships and broken promises as well. Since I started my search for a certain man whom they called "Mr. Right" when I was still thirteen years old. These almost five years of getting in and out into different relationships has taught me enough of things that helps me learn how to gather strengths from my own weaknesses, smile though it's hurting, and continue to love though my heart is too much aching... I had made a lot of stupid decisions in the past, in which I'm proud of, had made me stronger and better woman. There were times when I even told myself: "I've been to the lowest point of my life, and I'm not afraid of facing another problem, 'coz I know I can do everything!"
But that was before... only before I met Ashley. December 1, the day that changes who I am, the moment that changes my perceptions in life. The first few weeks have become the most beautiful moment that happened to me! I never thought I would be smiling that way... And never even thought I would love that much! But just like a burning candle, those smile soon turned into tears... And the love that we both started to build has become weaker! Until such time that we had no choice but to give up... and let each other go!
The colors of my life started to become dull. My world begins to stop. It really hurts! I never expected it would hurt this much! Though it's hard, I tried to let him go and set him free. He becomes so unfair. The rumors that destroyed our relationship are exactly the same reason why I had to stand again and move on! It hurts to know that in the eyes of the people around us, the person whom I have given my best doesn't deserve me. Because for them, Ashley deserves even more!
I came to silence and reflect. There must be something wrong in me. I know I may not be that pretty, nor be that rich. But there's one thing that I am very proud of, I knew from the start that I loved him truly... And for me, that's the most important thing. But now, I am very tired, and I know I have to say goodbye! He left me all alone in blue, struggling for the fight that we are supposed to be fighting together. I WILL FORGET HIM. And even though I will be waiting for so long, I will surely be over him!
In time, he may realize what he has done to me... how much of me had been lost because of him! I'm finally convinced I have to let him go. Those memories will be kept in a portion of me, and will never be opened again. I don't want to remember the times we've been together, coz I know it would just hurt me even more! I'll be standing on my feet, picking up the broken pieces of my heart, fixing and mending it so that I can be whole again. I'm strong and I know I can. Time will heal the wound, and it would make my heart a little bit numb so that I can't feel the pain anymore! HE DIDN'T FIGHT FOR ME, NOR EVEN FOUGHT FOR OUR LOVE! Now I don't know how to start my life all over again... because I used to live my life beside him! It may not be that easy... But if I'll not do it now, I can't do this tomorrow!
